Before entering the House, Chris stated that he couldn't possibly go nine weeks without a lady companion. No, no, no. The big cuddly bouncer needs a play friend. Luckily for him, Big Brother has generously placed eight damn hot ladies to work his so-called-charms on. So, how is he faring on the first night?

Hmm... what's a nice way of saying rubbish? Yes, that’s mean but he hasn't exactly mirrored James Bond in his seducing techniques. For a start, he admitted to being tipsy off two glasses of champagne. Not only does that equal minus man points, but his second glass meant that Victoria only got, as she said, "a shot of champagne". C'mon Chris, girls like bubbles – they make us happy. You take away our bubbles, we're not so happy anymore.

Secondly, he keeps talking about his mum... like, quite a considerable amount. Now, we know some people would think this is sweet, but personally it makes us envisage some sort of impenetrable mother-and-son unit. For the record, we're sure Chris has a lovely mother, but you don't want to think you have competition for your man's heart. Maybe he should try to not over-egg the mum references, just for the first few days at least.

And lastly, he asked Lauren if her eyes were natural. Right, this isn't completely wrong.  In fact it's a compliment of sorts. It's probably come from one of this 'How To Seduce Women' books, written by a self-styled 'playa' that says you should always give a woman an indirect compliment, like, "Your nose has a nice curve," because they'll think you're being sincere. So yes, this may work but there is always room for error. For example, "Are your eyes natural?" could be conceived as "Your eyes look a bit weird, a bit bug like". We agree this sounds mad, but sometimes we girls can be.

So Chris, we know it's only the first night and you have A LOT of time on your hands to work on it, but you really need to up your game, mate!